Every woman, no matter how career-oriented and individualistic, at some point in time dreams of finding the ideal partner for getting married to. The general reason for this is a need for company. But it could also be because of how marriages are outlined in popular culture.
Marriage is projected as something that usually ends with the fairy-tale-like ending of ‘happily-ever-after,’ something that causes everything to fall into place. Though getting to know someone and promising to spend one’s entire life with them is something which should be celebrated, marriage is not a miracle cure for all of one’s problems, even one’s relationship problems with one’s partner.
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Marriage is an undertaking where one promises to stay with one’s spouse through all possible circumstances. This does not mean that marriages are lacking in joy but just that making a marriage a happy one requires time and effort. Many women (and men) have a skewed perception of marriage. The concept of marriage has been romanticized in pop culture which takes away its essence. Some women (and men) have a difficult time making their way through marriage.
The following is a list of some marriage tips for women which can help them to have a real marriage and a joyful and satisfactory bond with their spouse. It has to be kept in mind that these tips may have worked in the 1950s, but with changed conditions for women, they may not be applicable in today’s times:
- Not talking much
A wife should not start to overburden her husband with her issues when he comes back home after a long and hard day at work. She should keep her thoughts to herself and not start stating a list of her issues to him on his return from work. In the 1943 book, ‘Sex today in wedded life’, Edward Podolsky gives four recommendations to women:
- A wife shouldn’t bother her husband with petty issues and complaints when the latter comes home from his work.
- She should be a good listener. She should first let him relate all of his issues to her. This would cause her troubles to seem trivial before his in comparison.
- She should remember that her most important task is to help build his confidence and maintain his ego which gets hurt a lot in his work environment from his superiors or colleagues. The task of maintaining a man’s morale is the duty of his wife.
- She should let him relax before he takes dinner and discuss family issues after he has satisfied his hunger.
Similarly, in his 1951 book, ‘Sex satisfaction and Happy Marriage’, Rev. Alfred Henry Tyrer adds to the previous tips by saying that the wife shouldn’t nag her husband. A man may bear his wife’s nagging for some time but not permanently. And if he can’t find peace in his own house, then he may look for it elsewhere. So a wife must be careful to not disturb the peace of the house by endlessly nagging her husband. Also, if a husband is intellectually inclined and wants to share his interests with her, the wife should not disappoint him by showing disinterest in whatever he has to say.
- Bad cooking can cause a man to go to unsavory places
According to Rev. Alfred Henry Tyrer, no amount of important engagements should become a wife’s excuse for not preparing dinner when the husband comes back home after a hard day at work. Rev. Tyrer says that a wife should take pride in her housekeeping and cooking abilities. He also says that happiness cannot develop in a home where there are issues involving food and its indigestion.
Dr. William Josephus Robinson says this more plainly in his 1922 book, ‘Married life and Happiness’. According to him, bad cooking is responsible for indigestion, which is responsible for irritability and this irritability leads to petty quarrels. He also says that it is bad cooking which is common in the average American home, which has been responsible for husbands to seek contentment elsewhere. Therefore, when a woman cooks for her husband, she should cook merely as a person who doesn’t know the basics of cooking. It’s often his wife’s bad cooking that leads to a man becoming an alcoholic and being afflicted with a variety of other ailments.
- Bad cooking can lead to a man having extra-marital affairs
According to Rev. Alfred Henry Tyrer, a woman who knows good cooking is ensured of her husband not having any extra-marital affairs and being faithful to her. Women who prepare hot and appetizing meals for their husbands do not have any fear or complaints about their men becoming wayward and being unfaithful to them by seeking the company of women who are outside the purview of their wives. Also, if a woman prepares cold, indigestible meals for her husband usually is phoned by her husband to inform her that he wouldn’t be able to make it home for dinner because of work.
- Women should not be hypersexual or frigid while having sex with their spouses
Women shouldn’t be hypersexual or frigid during the act of sexual intercourse with their husbands. This can cause the vitality to be sucked away from their male partners. Women may have unreasonable demands from their husbands when they get married. This can cause a husband to become devoid of his sexual abilities. The opposite should also not occur i.e. a woman should not be frigid during sexual intercourse and if they are like that, then they should inform their husbands about it, discuss it and work out any issues and thus save their marriage.
5. A Woman should forgive her husband’s infidelity
If a woman’s husband strays during the marriage and has extramarital affairs with other women, then the wife should be magnanimous and have a policy of ‘forgive and forget. Because if a man strays from the bounds of a conventional marriage, then it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love his life any longer. It could also mean that he loves his wife even more than he used to before. A wife should be understanding in her relationship with her husband and should love and revere him to keep her marriage.
